![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
alicia_hTitle: Dean's Prayer to an Ex-Angel
Word Count: 602
Rating: PG
Fandom or Original: Fandom (Supernatural)
Pairings (if any): Dean/Castiel friendship/UST
Warnings: Spoilers for Supernatural season 9 up to episode 3.
Summary: An alternate ending to 9.03 'I'm no Angel'. Dean feels anxious about the way he's lying to his brother to keep him alive and guilty about telling Cas to leave. The only thing he can think to do to help sort through his thoughts is go to his room and pray to Cas - who probably can't and, Dean is sure, doesn't want to hear what he has to say.
“Cas. Hey. Now you're human, I assume our soul-phone contract's expired. That means I'm talking to myself like a crazy person for real this time. But, hell, what else am I supposed to do? This... this is what I do when I don't know what to do.
“Okay, here goes. I need you here, Cas. I need to be doing everything I can to keep you alive, you wingless son of a bitch, because I never want to walk into a room and find you dead again. You know something? I just straight up need you.
“If things were right, you'd know that already. I don't blame you for not knowing because I suck at being your friend. That you probably do know. I suck at protecting you. I know the guardian angel thing's not supposed to work that way round but it's always been different with us, ain't it?
“If you could stay... but you can't. For Sammy's sake, I can't let you. And I can't tell you why. I already told you Zeke was going to help but if I told you what he did to... for Sam, you'd have to lie to him too. I'm not gonna make you lie for me, Cas. That's why I can't even tell imaginary-you the truth. I'm already lying to everyone I love and I'm not dragging you into that hole with me.
“But mostly I'm trying to keep my baby brother alive and kicking. You gotta understand that family comes first, man. But you're family too and that's what makes this situation even more screwed up. I'm gonna lose you again and this time it's entirely my fault. Maybe you won't actually die this time. I hope. But I know I've lost you. I had to be hard on you so I could keep all my lies in line.
“Cas, I need you to believe that I'm doing the right thing. One of us needs to.”
“Dean?”
“Cas. Hey. I thought you might have left already.”
“Sam told me I should ask to borrow some clothes from you. He believes his would be too large.”
“Yeah, man, of course. Come in. You... you talked to Sam? Alone? Was he okay?”
“He seemed a little surprised when I announced I was leaving... but he seems well.”
“He's still healing from the trials. And you know I'm sorry about kicking you out of the bunker, right?”
“I was shocked... and upset. I'm still getting used to feeling emotions to such a strong degree and describing them is just as difficult. But, I want you to know things are a little clearer now. I no longer blame you.”
“That's, um... Cas, did you...”
“I heard your prayer, Dean.”
“Cas, does this mean we've got some prayer-minutes left or were you just standing in the corridor eavesdropping on me pouring my heart out to you?”
“Your door was open. I assumed, as the prayer was intended for me, I was permitted to listen in. Was I wrong?”
“Yes! No. Not exactly. That's actually weirdly normal compared to some of the other shit we've been through this week.”
“I suppose I should be preparing to leave.”
“Yeah. I guess. And you can take some clothes. That's the least I can do...”
“Thank you. I'll return them when I have some of my own.”
“Listen. There's no point us pretending you didn't hear what I said, especially about helping you. So let me. I can get you some fake ID, book you into a motel for a few nights. Anything you need.”
“Thank you, Dean. I appreciate that.”
---
Read on A03
Word Count: 602
Rating: PG
Fandom or Original: Fandom (Supernatural)
Pairings (if any): Dean/Castiel friendship/UST
Warnings: Spoilers for Supernatural season 9 up to episode 3.
Summary: An alternate ending to 9.03 'I'm no Angel'. Dean feels anxious about the way he's lying to his brother to keep him alive and guilty about telling Cas to leave. The only thing he can think to do to help sort through his thoughts is go to his room and pray to Cas - who probably can't and, Dean is sure, doesn't want to hear what he has to say.
“Cas. Hey. Now you're human, I assume our soul-phone contract's expired. That means I'm talking to myself like a crazy person for real this time. But, hell, what else am I supposed to do? This... this is what I do when I don't know what to do.
“Okay, here goes. I need you here, Cas. I need to be doing everything I can to keep you alive, you wingless son of a bitch, because I never want to walk into a room and find you dead again. You know something? I just straight up need you.
“If things were right, you'd know that already. I don't blame you for not knowing because I suck at being your friend. That you probably do know. I suck at protecting you. I know the guardian angel thing's not supposed to work that way round but it's always been different with us, ain't it?
“If you could stay... but you can't. For Sammy's sake, I can't let you. And I can't tell you why. I already told you Zeke was going to help but if I told you what he did to... for Sam, you'd have to lie to him too. I'm not gonna make you lie for me, Cas. That's why I can't even tell imaginary-you the truth. I'm already lying to everyone I love and I'm not dragging you into that hole with me.
“But mostly I'm trying to keep my baby brother alive and kicking. You gotta understand that family comes first, man. But you're family too and that's what makes this situation even more screwed up. I'm gonna lose you again and this time it's entirely my fault. Maybe you won't actually die this time. I hope. But I know I've lost you. I had to be hard on you so I could keep all my lies in line.
“Cas, I need you to believe that I'm doing the right thing. One of us needs to.”
“Dean?”
“Cas. Hey. I thought you might have left already.”
“Sam told me I should ask to borrow some clothes from you. He believes his would be too large.”
“Yeah, man, of course. Come in. You... you talked to Sam? Alone? Was he okay?”
“He seemed a little surprised when I announced I was leaving... but he seems well.”
“He's still healing from the trials. And you know I'm sorry about kicking you out of the bunker, right?”
“I was shocked... and upset. I'm still getting used to feeling emotions to such a strong degree and describing them is just as difficult. But, I want you to know things are a little clearer now. I no longer blame you.”
“That's, um... Cas, did you...”
“I heard your prayer, Dean.”
“Cas, does this mean we've got some prayer-minutes left or were you just standing in the corridor eavesdropping on me pouring my heart out to you?”
“Your door was open. I assumed, as the prayer was intended for me, I was permitted to listen in. Was I wrong?”
“Yes! No. Not exactly. That's actually weirdly normal compared to some of the other shit we've been through this week.”
“I suppose I should be preparing to leave.”
“Yeah. I guess. And you can take some clothes. That's the least I can do...”
“Thank you. I'll return them when I have some of my own.”
“Listen. There's no point us pretending you didn't hear what I said, especially about helping you. So let me. I can get you some fake ID, book you into a motel for a few nights. Anything you need.”
“Thank you, Dean. I appreciate that.”
---
Read on A03
